Ethereal: extremely delicate and light in a way that seems not to be of this world.
Who Am I To Even Think I Could?
I’m sure this is a theme that isn’t isolated to just me. After all, I’m a woman just shy of her 40’s, single, never been married, no kids, no prospect of having a family and quite simply, I only give a fuck about this on a Sunday or when life feels like shit.
I’ve been told I should do this blogging stuff more times than I could poke a stick at and have been referenced on more occasions than I am comfortable with to Carrie Bradshaw. I mean, how cheesy and arrogant could one be to think that just because I live in a great apartment in the middle of a city and have a typical single lifestyle that I could even breath the same air as Ms Bradshaw the fabulous?
The truth is, it’s all a load of bullshit anyway. None of it matters! In fact, nothing in life ultimately matters. People will have a perception of me based on their own shortcomings, motivations, ideas of success and insecurities and all of this has absolutely nothing to do with me.
I have some people that think my life is utterly amazing, I am single, free, without kids and I devote my entire life to myself. Others look at me with pity because let’s be honest, I’m probably not going to have that life of a family and husband. I’m nudging 40, I haven’t had a boyfriend since before social media (yup that’s right) and I’m too stuck in my ways to be able to even consider inviting a person into my life.
I have relative success with my career in sales. I have a job that I love but the reality is, I’m never going to go that far within it. Although I’m very liked, people love to chat to me (I think) and I’m the party girl, this does not equate to success. I’m too honest, I am not willing to kiss the arses of the people I need to and quite frankly, I don’t like working that hard.
So this comes back to the original question……
Who Am I To Think I Ever Could?
I think the answer this is…… Who cares? As long as what I say hits home to one person, as long as I’m sharing this incredible knowledge that I have acquired through drawing blood and tears from myself and so long as I can deliver it in the only way I know how, with some hopefully good writing and gutsy truths.
What Does It Look Like?
It looks like whatever it is. I hate the word spiritual. It has so many suggestions and charges around what IT IS NOT!
There are no rule books, no laws, NOTHING that you need to follow. Spirituality is filled with do this’ and do that’s. It’s all a load of bullshit! That can come as both a relief and also a kick in the guts because if not this, what? What is left? What do I follow? The answer is really simple and excruciating at the same time.
If you start with you, end with you and have a whole lot of you in the middle…… This is the key to success, happiness and all the things that you have been searching to fulfil this so called missing piece of the puzzle.
You know the thing…. The feeling, the idea that you are missing something or you need something in your life. That thing that everyone has and no matter how they appear on the outside and how much the proclaim that life will be complete once they achieve it and life is now complete that they have it…… BULLSHIT!!!!!
Recently everything I had worked towards over the last 14 years FINALLY occurred.
I had my “spiritual awakening”
Or as I like to call it, I came home to myself. I had read about people’s experience of this and had never really thought that it was a thing I could relate to. Probably because you can’t relate to something until you have experienced it. Even in that place of complete consciousness, complete love and connection to myself, something I had worked tirelessly to achieve, the emptiness still comes in and out.
Achieving something is a momentary filler. Even spiritual enlightenment. Sure you feel connected in a way you have never before but the learning and growing does not stop there. It simply just propels you to another growth phase arguably deeper and more concentrated than before.
So What Is The Point?
Nothing!!!! There is no point because this is the whole point. Get used to these oxymorons because when you realise that life is full of them and that is the whole reason and not the reason all in one, then you begin to understand that you are only just beginning.
This may seem pretty grim but don’t look at it this way. See it as liberating and exciting. Because when there is no point and where there are no rules, what is left?
A shitload of fun and experiences………
And I’m going to share all of mine with you!