We can have a prejudice against colour, culture, race, age, social status, intellect, education the list goes on and on. The issue that we cant disregard is that when it can’t be easily identified that it’s prejudice. We are left thinking that we are in some way, less than who we are. This can remain hidden for years and because of it’s unrecognisable nature, we don’t question it, we don’t feel that it matters and therefore don’t validate ourselves and address the problem.
None of this should be disregarded and we can’t blanket prejudice to just colour or race. The danger in doing this is, if we don’t uncover the subtle expressions of prejudice, we don’t allow for the change to occur and then filter out to the more obvious and dangerous expressions.
I’ve never stopped to consider when I have been the victim of prejudice and honestly would have sworn a week ago that I never have been. Until the weekend. When it suddenly occurred to me or should I say, I discovered the prejudice I experience on a regular basis and have done most of my life.
Turns out being blonde, curvy, single and having a very friendly nature suggests that my only value in life is to fuck.
Now this is not to suggest that EVERYONE I meet thinks this but I can tell you, most of my experiences with men are guided towards this and when it happens, you don’t consider it’s just one isolated incident, you just collect evidence of when it has happened previously and add it to the stock pile. The amount of incidences I have had a man give me his undivided attention and the second he gets what he wants or realises he’s not going to get what he wants……. discarded!
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate and understand sexual attraction, it is really important. I love the feeling when I’m sexually attracted to someone and it’s a bonus when you get that back. My problem is, when that is the only thing that holds someone’s interest and it’s a sex or nothing mentality.
Just this weekend I was at a dear friends wedding. (What’s with me and wedding awarenesses right?) At the reception I had a guy come up to me and said he took a sneaky pic of me and sent it to his brother. He then told me that his brother had said to him, send her around to my place. The guy then asked if he could take my number for his brother. I asked him a list of 3 questions,
1. Why do you think your brother would like me. His response was, cause you’re hot.
2. Why do you think I would like your brother. His response, cause he’s hot
3. Why would your brother ask for me to be sent to his house versus take me out for a drink or coffee, does he think I’m a prostitute?
I don’t think he really got it and I shrugged it off. No harm done right?
Afterwards I ended up going out with another guest at the wedding. Really fun guy and we had been hanging out the entire day/night. I wasn’t expecting it to go anywhere as he was from another state but I was having a fun time hanging out with a new person. We were at a bar and at some point I think the penny dropped that there was no romantic drive from my perspective. He headed off to go to the bathroom and it soon dawned on me that he was actually not coming back. He left me alone, sitting at a bar, in a ball gown without giving a shit if I made it home safe or not! Mortifying much?
Now thankfully for me, I’m a pretty confident woman so I shrugged it off and kept enjoying the music, that’s not to say it didn’t sting. Not long after, a man walked up to me, noticed that the other guy I was with didn’t return. I told him I got ditched because I wasn’t going to give it up. What do you know, he proceeded to tell me that he was in town for one night and all but handed me his room key.
So I left, absolutely deflated and wondering what it was about me that screamed out slut? 3 situations in one night. One I can dismiss BUT THREE?
This fucking hurts!!!! I’m a person of thoughtful conversation, conscientious and genuine intentions. I’m not going to lie, I cried to the Uber driver. Partly out of feeling sorry for myself, partly out of exasperation and partly out of the 52 drinks I had consumed over the 8 hours.
The realisation, as it always does, came like a bolt of lightening and wise words delivered from a dear friend.
People are going to see you how they see you. It’s not a reflection of you, it’s more a reflection on them and if they can’t see the depth and the worth that is beyond the prejudice, then they are the ones limited, not you.
So the advice that I constantly give, I need to step back and walk the talk. The reality is, it hurts. It makes me feel small and powerless. It makes me question all of those qualities that are important to me and wonder if they are in fact, important. I can understand why people that have experienced this feel so bad. It actually really hurts.
But…… it’s not real.
The reality is this…. Like racism or any prejudice, it is always going to be there in some form. People are going to show their limitation to you ALWAYS. But they are THEIR limitations, and you get to choose wether they will be yours or not. I’m always going to have some bloke only see tits and arse. Should I then let myself be just that? Or do I still contribute to life in the way that I see my value not his version of my value.
I am always going to be judged for whatever it is that people are driven by. If they are driven by sexualising things, I will be sexualised. If they are driven by anger, they will be angry towards me, if they are driven by love and kindness, then I will be shown the same. It’s all them….. never me.
So from now on, I give them what they want. I fuck them! But in my way! With my middle finger pointed in the air and a wry smile on my face that says, I’m going to go home, love every inch of myself from top to bottom and relish in the fact that you will never know the exquisite feeling of my skin against yours.
Oh and while I’m fucking you in this way, go fuck yourself too!
But I guess now I need to reflect on where I am prejudice to others….. Here comes the fun.