The Blonde Prejudice

We can have a prejudice against colour, culture, race, age, social status, intellect, education the list goes on and on. The issue that we cant disregard is that when it can’t be easily identified that it’s prejudice. We are left thinking that we are in some way, less than who we are. This can remain hidden for years and because of it’s unrecognisable nature, we don’t question it, we don’t feel that it matters and therefore don’t validate ourselves and address the problem.

None of this should be disregarded and we can’t blanket prejudice to just colour or race. The danger in doing this is, if we don’t uncover the subtle expressions of prejudice, we don’t allow for the change to occur and then filter out to the more obvious and dangerous expressions.

I’ve never stopped to consider when I have been the victim of prejudice and honestly would have sworn a week ago that I never have been. Until the weekend. When it suddenly occurred to me or should I say, I discovered the prejudice I experience on a regular basis and have done most of my life.

Turns out being blonde, curvy, single and having a very friendly nature suggests that my only value in life is to fuck.

Now this is not to suggest that EVERYONE I meet thinks this but I can tell you, most of my experiences with men are guided towards this and when it happens, you don’t consider it’s just one isolated incident, you just collect evidence of when it has happened previously and add it to the stock pile. The amount of incidences I have had a man give me his undivided attention and the second he gets what he wants or realises he’s not going to get what he wants……. discarded!

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate and understand sexual attraction, it is really important. I love the feeling when I’m sexually attracted to someone and it’s a bonus when you get that back. My problem is, when that is the only thing that holds someone’s interest and it’s a sex or nothing mentality.

Just this weekend I was at a dear friends wedding. (What’s with me and wedding awarenesses right?) At the reception I had a guy come up to me and said he took a sneaky pic of me and sent it to his brother. He then told me that his brother had said to him, send her around to my place. The guy then asked if he could take my number for his brother. I asked him a list of 3 questions,

1. Why do you think your brother would like me. His response was, cause you’re hot.

2. Why do you think I would like your brother. His response, cause he’s hot

3. Why would your brother ask for me to be sent to his house versus take me out for a drink or coffee, does he think I’m a prostitute?

I don’t think he really got it and I shrugged it off. No harm done right?

Afterwards I ended up going out with another guest at the wedding. Really fun guy and we had been hanging out the entire day/night. I wasn’t expecting it to go anywhere as he was from another state but I was having a fun time hanging out with a new person. We were at a bar and at some point I think the penny dropped that there was no romantic drive from my perspective. He headed off to go to the bathroom and it soon dawned on me that he was actually not coming back. He left me alone, sitting at a bar, in a ball gown without giving a shit if I made it home safe or not! Mortifying much?

Now thankfully for me, I’m a pretty confident woman so I shrugged it off and kept enjoying the music, that’s not to say it didn’t sting. Not long after, a man walked up to me, noticed that the other guy I was with didn’t return. I told him I got ditched because I wasn’t going to give it up. What do you know, he proceeded to tell me that he was in town for one night and all but handed me his room key.

So I left, absolutely deflated and wondering what it was about me that screamed out slut? 3 situations in one night. One I can dismiss BUT THREE?

This fucking hurts!!!! I’m a person of thoughtful conversation, conscientious and genuine intentions. I’m not going to lie, I cried to the Uber driver. Partly out of feeling sorry for myself, partly out of exasperation and partly out of the 52 drinks I had consumed over the 8 hours.

The realisation, as it always does, came like a bolt of lightening and wise words delivered from a dear friend.

People are going to see you how they see you. It’s not a reflection of you, it’s more a reflection on them and if they can’t see the depth and the worth that is beyond the prejudice, then they are the ones limited, not you.

So the advice that I constantly give, I need to step back and walk the talk. The reality is, it hurts. It makes me feel small and powerless. It makes me question all of those qualities that are important to me and wonder if they are in fact, important. I can understand why people that have experienced this feel so bad. It actually really hurts.

But…… it’s not real.

The reality is this…. Like racism or any prejudice, it is always going to be there in some form. People are going to show their limitation to you ALWAYS. But they are THEIR limitations, and you get to choose wether they will be yours or not. I’m always going to have some bloke only see tits and arse. Should I then let myself be just that? Or do I still contribute to life in the way that I see my value not his version of my value.

I am always going to be judged for whatever it is that people are driven by. If they are driven by sexualising things, I will be sexualised. If they are driven by anger, they will be angry towards me, if they are driven by love and kindness, then I will be shown the same. It’s all them….. never me.

So from now on, I give them what they want. I fuck them! But in my way! With my middle finger pointed in the air and a wry smile on my face that says, I’m going to go home, love every inch of myself from top to bottom and relish in the fact that you will never know the exquisite feeling of my skin against yours.

Oh and while I’m fucking you in this way, go fuck yourself too!

But I guess now I need to reflect on where I am prejudice to others….. Here comes the fun.

9 thoughts on “The Blonde Prejudice

  1. This happens so often to me I felt as if I was reading my own story … what others say do act are is a reflection of themself there standards what they are about I had to remind myself many of times before I gave in so not to be hurt or rejected but to walk away with my head held high and know I’m not someone’s slut I’m me a person that I love most of all and someone will love for just as I am

    Someone amazing will see u for u Kel the right one hasn’t found u , cause u are one of a kind my dear x

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  2. The brutal headline on instagram dragged me in to see if it was another feminist playing victim. Turns out it was far from it. Nicely written piece. The expletives at the end seemed to take away a little but the message was clear, well thought out and very relevant. After many interactions with women that could have been juxtaposed into this story based on my wallet and not my hair colour or curves, i think the conclusion remains the same. What they see, need, project remains the same. It is not an indication of who the recipient is. This leaves us pondering. Unfortunately and somewhat unforgivably most people are kinda poo individuals on a regular basis. Some are just having a bad day at the time of meeting. Going to the toilet and leaving a lady should be punishable with the beating by a garden hose in a public square…..and last but not least, these meetings enrich that special moment when someone treats you like a caring and valuable member of the human race and shows you interest with respect, and dare i say it, love.

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    1. Wow!!!!!! You actually made me cry! Thank-you so much for taking the time to read this, being thoughtful enough to offer some very meaningful critiques and to blow me away with such an awesome reflection.

      Far from a victim playing feminist…. I deplore this myself.

      The expletives….I was pretty angry when I wrote it, I do tend to go through the emotions when I write….it’s why I write. I find it gets it out but I understand that is not for everyone!

      And yes I agree, men are also very much used for their success as much as a woman is for her…… vacancies???

      This particular entry for me has stirred something very deep and very big for me so this comment has come at a perfect time and thank-you so much.

      I hope you have found or will find a wonderful woman who will appreciate you for more than your wallet! If this is any indication of the man you are, there is a lot to appreciate! X

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  3. Kel, if your subject matter and the way you write indicates your intelligence and depth of character then i can see why vapid members of the opposite sex would find you somewhat confusing. When these alpha male types suddenly realise in your presence that they are not in highschool and feel threatened or outmatched then they simply rely on their most basic fallback plan. Sex or esape. With the obligatory over exaggerated high fives to their drooling neanderthal sidekicks.(Side note: Its very easy for me to write things when it is not my heart and soul exposed for the public to see and comment on). That you can write about these things but also admit to your vulnerability in the taxi shows someone with a high degree of courage and few #@☆₩ to give if someone were to try to tear her down. Bravo. So my question is this. Whilst you cannot control every interaction that you have, why do you give your time to men who in the first 5 minutes of social interaction prove they do not possess the emotional maturity (and i do believe it is exactly that which my brethren and i need to bone up on in a huge way in 2018) and intelligence to be worthy and able to hold your smelly sandshoe? It seems like in a business meeting or otherwise, these comically inept males would be left floundering in mere seconds and rely on a quick d@#k joke to see them through.

    Hahaha I’m getting vertigo up here on my high horse. As a man who has been stabbed twice, punched, kicked, robbed and abused by ex- partners of “the fairer sex”, i can tell you with a very straight face that dating in the city sucks bollocks. I have, at the age of 40, finally stumbled blindly upon a young lady who treats me right and respects that my opening doors for her and pulling her chair out is not a mark of weakness or an assault on her abilities as a woman. I would have never really appreciated her as much as i do without the previous hells i lived through.
    I wish you the best of luck with whatever or whoever you choose and encourage you to continue to have the courage to write and express your journey because i for one think you have a very real talent for it.

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    1. Dan, I have read this so many times and wanted to respond when I had the consideration to reply to this comment with the justice it deserves. Firstly, you write beautifully and I will echo your comments to me right back to you. You clearly are a highly intelligent man with a great capacity of awareness of self and others.

      Your questions inspired my most recent blog. I feel almost naive saying this but genuinely, I believe all people are really good and have the best of intentions when I meet them. I believe mostly everything everyone tells me as it never occurs to me that people don’t tell the truth! I like that I look at the world in this way but it clearly has it’s downfalls hahaha.

      I have realised that I need to be more responsible and seek out the subtlety of what is playing out. Something I have been maybe too lazy in doing or perhaps have only developed the awareness surrounding it lately to understand something needs to change! That something being me and what I will put up with.

      Just this week I had an ex lover contact me out of the blue, someone that has toyed with my emotions for years. For the first time ever, I ignored it. I could never do that before because I felt too horrible doing it. Now….. I’m just mad that I had let it go on for so long. Being emotionally manipulated because he has a boring life and I deliver a level of excitement and intrigue…. But only when he feels like living on the edge.

      Your comments have really added another level to the unravelling of this very old story for me so I want to thank-you, from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to reflect with me. I am so happy you have found someone wonderful to share your special moments with! I do have-to ask…. Do we know each other? That’s not so much important but what is important is that you have made a woman feel incredibly special, incredibly empowered and very valued.

      For the record…. I can open doors for myself but I love nothing more than a man doing it for me! THAT…… I find more empowering! Allowing the enjoyment to transform something as meaningless as opening a door to a symbolic dance of the almighty masculine and the powerful feminine!

      Beautiful isn’t it! Ha…. I think I have inspiration for my next instalment. Let’s hope that this will play out a little for me over the weekend to attach a story to the knowing.

      Much love to you.

      Like

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