This past week as it seems has been a huge unravelling process for me. I feel I’m not alone here as everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is feeling the effects of life. I have had quite a number of private messages, conversations and lovely comments from people relating to my last entry specifically. It hit a raw nerve for a lot of people and I have-to say, I was blown away by it. It makes me realise more and more that everyone has their struggles in life and by revealing yours, you lighten the load and allow others to share and open up about theirs. This just fast tracks compassion and empathy creating stronger connections with the people around us.
I’m happy to say, there has been some more, deeper awakenings surrounding the experience from my last blog.
I knew after the realisations of last week’s reflections came to the surface, it would open a can of worms for me to deal with. There is always a process here for me and it goes a little something like this.
- I have a situation occur that I don’t like (It has to be yucky enough for me to actually give it my attention so usually comes with a little sting)
- I dissect the situation to reveal the longstanding pattern
- I see where this pattern has been limiting me/causing disharmony
- I feel all the feelings that have ever been associated with this pattern
Only when I allow those feelings to come to the surface and be felt can I move onto the next part which is the juicy part. I must mention however, it is not nice to feel these feelings. It can be very painful, very isolating and sometimes feels like the situation will never be different.
When I actually allow this process to take place gently, with no pressure and showing love and kindness to myself, I gain so much empowerment from it.
This week, has not let me down!
If you haven’t read last week’s entry this might not make a lot of sense, or it could, you be the judge.
I realised that with my experience of romance, I have mainly only attracted men that want me for sex and that is about it. This hasn’t been EVERY man but I would have to say easily 90% of men I meet. This really came to a head recently and made me finally sit up and pay attention to what the pattern was trying to reveal for me.
Probably the most frustrating thing for me was that I couldn’t see where I wasn’t reading the signals that these men had a one track mind. I would consider myself a very emotionally intelligent woman however I would get blindsided by these Letharios time and time again.
So it dropped to me today after a week of feeling the feelings and just allowing them to be there the answer to my riddle…….
I never stop to consider wether they are really seeing me or not. Do they understand who I actually am as a woman and what I represent? The simple way to determine this is by noticing, what are the questions he is asking me? Is he asking me any questions at all? Is this all surface pleasantries or are there some thoughtful, considered questions?
Seems like that is pretty simple but I have to say, I have never stopped to consider this. I guess from a dating sense we are all schooled pretty early on taking things lightly and not being too serious. I kind of realise now that this is utter bullshit.
We need to take this stuff seriously!
This is our hearts, this is our self worth, this is our emotional self playing in this space. If we don’t take this part seriously, are we taking any part seriously? What do we think will be the outcome of this mentality?
People take more consideration and care in choosing a car, something that will be around for maybe 5 years and I dare say a lot cheaper than a relationship!
To me, the relationship you have with an intimate partner is one of the most important experiences in life. Your chosen partner for this period of time, or life partner is going to know and be there for the most intimate parts of your existence and you in theirs. This is a very important role and actually should not be treated lightly. If I was going to make a decision that was going to change the course of the way I live, AS IF I wouldn’t take that shit seriously. People always say:
“Don’t take it too seriously”
”don’t think too much into it, just have fun……”
Yes they’re right, have fun! Once the trust is built and you know this persons intentions are good, have all the fun in the world. If they are rotten buggers then NO!!!! You cannot be light hearted and have fun. And never, should we not take it seriously.
It makes sense that when something is approached in a more serious nature, you will hold more value towards the process and the outcome. This should be the same thing for relationships of all kinds. Wether it is a long term relationship, a brief affair or a simple friendship. This other person is going to be taking up some fairly precious airspace so it is vital that they are properly screened.
If they aren’t at least trying to find out the important parts of me…. then quite literally, they aren’t interested in all of me. If all they can offer is some smooth lines and funny banter the truth needs to be told, that’s all the substance they are wanting from me. Now comes the easy part… This, I can happily walk away from and it’s my choice!
Seems easy now that I’ve actually allowed myself to see it!
So this is actually going to be a lot of fun to practice. When I stop to take notice of what is being asked of me and noticed in me, I can be more discerning and decide if this is what I want to continue with, or not.
Phew…. That was a bloody doozy!